The inner sanctum of my mind

And less then an hour after I posted, I find that Robert has gone and started shit... yet again. 

Apparently, I made him owe a $10,000.00 internet bill.... he was spreading rumours to people at Woolies Nightcliff, where he works and I do my groceries.  I only know about this now, becasue my good friends dad is his boss at work and overheard him telling his lies to come of the chechout people at work.....



I know for a fact that I left him with no bills to pay.  The electricity phone bill and internet were all in my name and those were paid out when I left.  Everything he earnt for himself after that was ALL HIS.  The fact that he got a $10,000.00 internet bill must of been because of all the porn he would download - he must have picked a speedy plan with no download shaping limit or cut off point and paid through the teeth for it.... that is if he even got any bills and is only looking for a way to drag my name through the mud further,



Karma will come I wont winge further - other then to defend myself and document the lies he spreads about me :(



How dare he ruin my good mood - I did try and call him and see if he could explain himself, but he did not answer his phone...ah well. 



No skin off my nose really, I wash my hands of him...... if something bad happens to him and he should get hurt tomorrow, then so be it.  I have lost all respect for him now to the point there is nothing left. s

Am happy.

Got a great boyfriend
Getting a new car
Uni is almost over and i'm not too far behind

Life is good

And then Rai told Robert about Aaron and I getting married...

Bwhahahahaha! It made my day. It was a joke but it was dam funny.

Thats so silly, Robert freaked when he heard the "news". I do wonder where she got it from though - maybe some of her classmates were talking about somthing like that.

Aaron knew I was freaking out about my classwork and other various bits and peices today and so he came over and gave me a rub for being good when I finished my stupid report, took us out for some drinks and spent some quality time with me.

I really do think I'm the luckiest woman in the world at times.

Who knows.

Maybe one day........

Well I did somthing good today - well I wont say good but somhing positive in the right direction.

Lunch got pretty screwed over today with this interview course /workshop that Aaron was up to, and so we kinda had one of those days where it just wasnt going to happen. So Instead of being shitty and cranky about somthing that couldnt be changed, I offered him the use of my car to get himself some lunch and asked if he could bring me back somthing whilst he was there :) Instead of just a Paul's iced coffee, he went out of his way to get a gloria jeans one with whipped cream and all ^-^ mmmmmm.

It wasn't exactly the talk I was hoping for, or the company being that I saw him for a total of 5 minutes - but it was better than nothing, and the fact I am trying to step back and think about things, is always a step in the right direction.

Had a shitty meeting today too, I think the other students are trying to avoid me as I am always so judgemental of their work. Its not my fault that I want everything in the meetings to be perfect - I get marked on their performance!!! Otherwise I wouldnt care, but I do want to pass and get out of here and into the real world.

In an effort to stop Rai from "touching" the other students, I had a talk to her about what she did wrong, and gave her an example of how it feels to be touched when you dont want to be and to act all stupid about it. I think she understood as she did not need a reminder this morning about what she needed to do in class etc. I also packed an extra sandwhich ontop of all the extra food I have been giving her, so that Ms Montaque doesnt keep harping on at me about Rai eating all her food at recess. I think its going to be a hard yard with Rai - but i'm getting there - her interest in reading has increased by 200% and shes always wanting to read - also less tv and more pyshical activities like swimming. Shes getting there.

Lets hope things look up!

From me to my past.

I don't love you, but I am getting these horrible urges to call you. Am sitting here wondering why the hell you havnt called me in three weeks to even bother to see your child. I just want to abuse the fuck out of you for being a terrible parent. You can rid yourself of me, but you will always be somthing in her life... whatever you make that somthing is up to you. If you keep this up she is going to hate you and it will be none of my fault.

You shit me off more now when you are not even in my life, then when you were there letting me down. Your absense is making a hell of a lot more impact on otherpeoples live.... what does that really say about you and the influence you had on us? Think about it.

We are happy now, and even though I still remember some of the good moments, I know I could never let them go back to the way it was - not now, ever or if you are the last person left on earth. I wash my hands of you just like you did your little girl.

Jackass.

Am getting ready to go out for our anniversary dinner atm.

I'm pretty excited really, looking forward to some good food great company and perhaps a nice stroll along the beach

:) lets hope its a nice evening - will keep you posted.

Debate continues as to if the person in this film clip is actually a woman.

How do you know when its love? 

Some say its when you feel so totally comfortable around somone that it just seems right - you can do anything or say anything to them and be comfortable about it. 

Others say you know, when you can feel it, when you know its right. 

Even that whole, you would give anything to be with them, travel for days to see them for an hour - do stupid stuff to get their attention and see them smile - has been said before. 

And the finale - you would do anything to see them happy - even if that is letting them go so they can be with somone who is good for them.

How do YOU know? Is it a combination of all of the above - or somthing completley different? Am not asking for myself here, I know how I know - but am trying to see if I am a freak or I think along the same lines as everyone else.

If you could ask anyone a question and get the guaranteed truth, who would you ask and what would you ask?

You can ask more than one person one question.

Come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination.....Living there, you'll be free if you truely wish to be,


Mmmm chocolate - Gene Wilder......makes a good Willy Wonker I say.

Am waiting for class to start.  Sharon is sitting next to me getting the work I did over the weekend.  Its nice to have some company sometimes.

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby

And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

And don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight

Let’s talk this over

It’s not like were dead

Was it something I did?

Was it something you said?

 

Don’t leave me hanging

In a city so dead

Held up so ho high on unbreakable thread

 

You were all the things I thought I knew

And I though we could be

You were everything that I wanted

We were meant to be, supposed to be but we lost it

All the memories so close to me just fade away

All this time you were pretending

So much for my happy ending

 

You’ve got your dumb friends

I know what they say

They say I’m difficult

But so are they

But they don’t know me

Do they even know you?

All the things you hide from me

All the stuff that you do

 

You were the all the things I thought I knew

And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted

We were meant to be, supposed to be but we lost it

All the memories so close to me just slowly fade away

All this time you were pretending

So much for my happy ending

 

Its nice to know that you were there

Thanks for acting like you cared

Making me feel like I was the only one

Its nice to know we had it all

Thanks for watching as I fall

Letting me know we were done

 

He was everything, everything that I wanted…..

Am...f..f..f..Frozen!

So bloody cold these last few days.

FACT: Yesterday was the coldest day in Darwin ever recorded.

Well this weekend Rosemary has decided to take Rai for the weekend. This means I am free to do whatever. I really want to go out and celebrate my finishing the semester, but I don't see myself being able to go out and have a few drinks - no fun on my own :( I guess i'm going to spend the night playing GW again - get drunk in the Guild Hall...

Maybe even go and have a drink at the casino and watch the fish. Yay....

/sigh

Have been talking with Nova alot more lately about the guild and how we want it to be run. Its nice that he still keeps me involved in eveything. I still have yet to finish the story I wrote of our adventures that I started over a year ago. Both Mark and Jeremy were asking me about it - I guess I should write it all down before I forget. Was a little dissapointed when I lost it all the first and second time my hard drive crashed - do I dare try for a third time?

Things in the house have been peaceful atm. Its been nice and quiet. Have had a chance to calm down and reflect upon my life. Am seriously considering sticking myself further in debt, trading in my car and getting a new and smaller one. SO many expenses and not that much income - but if it is cheaper on the long term, I am willing to consider it.

Speaking of income - I have been offered some temporary part time work - which seems pretty flexible with Julie. I would like to take it up and see how it goes - I really don't want to be a dissapointment though - would make things kind of uncomofortable if we don't click - I can be difficult to work with at times.

Kylie STILL hasn't moved out. She isnt here enough to be a pain in the ass too much to mum and dad, but she hadnt paid any rent nor has moved out any of her junk either- Its been a nice break - but I know the tranquility wont last forever.

Rai is off to the firestation today for an excursion. Things certainly have changed since I started out at school. I mentioned the firemen to Kylie and she wanted me to go there as parent support and take her with me.... HA! Much to her dissapointment, I have actually seen the guys that work there last year - there arent many that would have suiter her taste lol.

Have decided I am going to read the Harry Potter series during my break, also have to finish the LOTR puzzle I started the other day too. Lots of plans to make for the holidays - lets just hope they get done.

Am gonna go wrap myself up in a doona and have a nap in the warmth. Such a wuss.

Am a little worried about Aaron, but thats for another post.

Arg

I was so tempted today. I could afford it too! it was there staring me in the face, and I was imagining how good it would feel too. I didn't buy it. I stayed strong. My part of the deal has been kept. I know he broke his end of the bargain that very day - but that was becasue he was stressing out about his exam. I'll let that one slide :) But its on now.

I tried to chat with "the alien" I will forever call her alien as the sister I once knew is no longer there. Anyways again as always this copped me with a mouth full of abuse - just becasue I asked her when she had planned to move out. Last night I saw her driving around drunk,with that stupid Liz woman AND Liz's kid. Both the women has been drinking by the looks of it when they rocked up at the house at midnight. Stupid stupid woman! I cant stand Liz's little girl either - but that doesnt mean that she has to suffer when her stupid mother gets paralyzed! WTH is wrong with these people?!!?

Wish she would leave. Instead she sits here and makes life hard for everyone. Always expecting to have her way and never listening to anyone else. I don't care if I have to pack up all her shit today if it means she will be out of this house for good! Shes stresses me out so much, that I don't have the mental strength to deal with all the Robert shit that keeps on running around in my head. I am just waiting for him to be off his mends and snap at me or hurt Rai and I don't want to have to pick up the peices of that issue. I just want to forget, leave the last 7 years of my life behind and start afresh. Looking back on it, I really am lucky to have met Aaron. He does take my mind of many of the issues, I probably would have cracked a huge mental if he wasnt there.

After this entry, I am going to get off the pc and clean my room up - its not everly dirty, just messy with stuff that looks out of place. I also have a lot of paper work to go through and prepare for later. hopefully the screaming woman (her name is Rebecca apparently - Aaron and I listened in to a tame argument last night) will put on a show or somthing to keep my mind running until I pick up Rai from school. Going to buy her some nice shoes today with the sale on at K-mart - god knows she could use some more shoes.

Some bad news on nans side - David can't get the funds together now to buy her house - so she has to put it back on the market. :(

Some bad news on my side - Its almost been a week now - and it doesn't look like it will stop anytime soon. A hug would make everything seem alright. Can't wait to catch up with him and squeeze him tight.

So with all this talk of Paris Hilton going around atm - I had to see what all the fuss was about. Am not impressed in the slightest. Gah.

Bought my dice today too!

Saw this movie on cable last night with the guy who plays Aargorn from LOTR. It gave me some scenes in my head which did not help my situation at all. I feel like I am on fire atm.

GOT MY SKILLS TITLES!!!!!! Next is the guardian and vanquishing.

Not gonna bother doing a huge update for today.

3 friends now, and Frank still calls me a loser :(

Was bored, so I thought I would go and hit up random journals and see what other people are like. I found this as a joke on one of the entries. Thank you to outlier1985.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the guy. 'How about nuclear power?'
'OK,' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The guy thought about it and said, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the girl replied, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

/chuckle

What will you be doing when the world ends?
	Training some killer bees to do your bidding in the moon base
'What will you be doing when the world ends?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Who wants some honey?!

Ok, so Frank says i'm a loser becasue I only have 2 friends on live journal! 

So if you dare to subscribe to my journal, you have access to all my dirty secrets....yay for you. 

Add me.

So never said goodbye to Nan before she went to work only demanded that mum give her money.  Selfish pig.